So I've been listening to a LOT of Sheri Dew's books and tapes in the past little while, and this has long been a thought that has stuck out to me and I want to talk about it:
When we fail to champion one another, we in essence betray each other.
- Sheri Dew, http://ce.byu.edu/cw/womensconference/archive/2000/dew_sheri.htm
There are so many times in my life where I haven't given people, whoever it may be, the benefit of the doubt. Sometimes all I can see is that they've "wronged me" or "hurt me," or (insert whatever you want here) ME. Me, me, me, me. I sometimes don't consider listening to their side of things because I am just too dang busy thinking about myself and thinking about how justified I am for being mad at them and taking things out on them in my own special way.
There are many problems with this. Does it help me? No, it doesn't, I usually don't feel better getting my revenge, I still hurt at what they did and now I've got blood on my hands. Does it help them? Do they want to change? No, they're just pissed at me now, and they've got a special look in their eye that tells me that they wouldn't be none too sad if they did the exact same hurtful thing to me again, 'cause now they're hurt too. Did anyone win? No, the war's just more entrenched now. So then what's the answer? It's relative, but to me, it's a matter of understanding. Getting at the true motivation behind someone's actions by ACTUALLY asking them is a good place to start. A lot of times people do things that hurt or tick me off and they either absolutely did not mean what they did the way I thought they did, or they had no idea that they did anything at all.
And you know what? Maybe that person just had a crap day. Maybe their cat died. Maybe they got in a car accident. Maybe they lost the prize spoon from their coveted spoon collection. Maybe their hormones are all out of whack. Understand before you judge. If you're going to assume, try assuming the best before you assume the worst.
When we fail to champion one another, we in essence betray each other.
- Sheri Dew, http://ce.byu.edu/cw/womensconference/archive/2000/dew_sheri.htm
There are so many times in my life where I haven't given people, whoever it may be, the benefit of the doubt. Sometimes all I can see is that they've "wronged me" or "hurt me," or (insert whatever you want here) ME. Me, me, me, me. I sometimes don't consider listening to their side of things because I am just too dang busy thinking about myself and thinking about how justified I am for being mad at them and taking things out on them in my own special way.
There are many problems with this. Does it help me? No, it doesn't, I usually don't feel better getting my revenge, I still hurt at what they did and now I've got blood on my hands. Does it help them? Do they want to change? No, they're just pissed at me now, and they've got a special look in their eye that tells me that they wouldn't be none too sad if they did the exact same hurtful thing to me again, 'cause now they're hurt too. Did anyone win? No, the war's just more entrenched now. So then what's the answer? It's relative, but to me, it's a matter of understanding. Getting at the true motivation behind someone's actions by ACTUALLY asking them is a good place to start. A lot of times people do things that hurt or tick me off and they either absolutely did not mean what they did the way I thought they did, or they had no idea that they did anything at all.
And you know what? Maybe that person just had a crap day. Maybe their cat died. Maybe they got in a car accident. Maybe they lost the prize spoon from their coveted spoon collection. Maybe their hormones are all out of whack. Understand before you judge. If you're going to assume, try assuming the best before you assume the worst.
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